The essence of a Dominant/submissive relationship is the transfer of power. The Dominant will issue commands (direct control) or set boundaries of behavior (indirect control), usually both. An essential difference between a short-term and long-term relationships is the use of these two methods.

For a singular encounter, perhaps just one scene or even a few minutes during an otherwise vanilla sexual experience, boundary setting will be almost nonexistent and direct control will be absolute. Certainly there are exceptions but, generally, the Dominant will be giving orders and the submissive will strive to obey.

While workable, it’s akin to driving an unfamiliar car; one must pay strict attention at all times. Things are unlikely to be very practiced and the opportunities, by either party, are restricted by the essential ephemerality of the situation. Instead of focusing on what CAN be done, the thrust is only on what MUST be done. I.e. What is not mandatory, is forbidden.

An extended relationship, one that involves multiple encounters, is a more relaxed situation. The rules, as it were, can become ingrained and comfortable. Both parties know their roles and can become familiar with them. The ultimate expression of this is, of course, the 24/7 relationship.

It’s a bit paradoxical that being a full time submissive can actually result in more freedom. Because one cannot constantly control someone for any significant length of time, limits are placed around proscribed actions and the submissive is trusted to obey the rules. Within those boundaries, however, she is free to do as she wishes. With careful and consistent rules (and a lot of checking up with the associated rewards/punishments), a submissive can get that warm feeling of being controlled as she follows the guidelines laid down for her.

Of course, having boundaries means they may be crossed. I’ll discuss this more in my next Memo: Bratting Behavior.