For the non-Doms out there (or the Dom wannabes that haven’t found a submissive yet), the lifestyle must seem like all fun and skittles. You get babes to do your every command and then you get to swat them if they get out of line. Fun, eh?
Well, honestly, it IS a lot of fun. It’s the most fun I’ve ever had, here with my subbie. But, still, it’s a lot of work and it doesn’t come naturally to me, despite strong inclinations in that direction. I’ve got to work at doing the right thing, or having to think through the proper response to novel situations.
Our society tries very hard to get us to treat each other as equals. While this is a fine theory, we are NOT all equals. Some people have more money, some can play sports better than others, and some people are the Dominants in their relationship (whether they are in our scene or not). Overcoming that cultural conditioning, simply telling your subbie what you want, when you want it, and taking no backtalk is a lot harder than it seems. It’s much easier when your submissive does what you tell her to do willingly and happily but you earn your keep as a Dom when she does NOT want to do what you say.
Of course this does not mean you have to be an unfeeling brute, ignoring your submissive’s wants and desires (unless that’s what floats your collective boat). One has to manage a balancing act between being sensitive and being dominant. If done properly, one can be BOTH without shirking either. You’re in charge and you make the rules.
Today I forgot that.
My bottom agreed to walk three times a week for health reasons but mostly because I asked her to. Mind you, she views walking with the same joy that Saddam Hussein does giving up his WMD. She does it because she wants to make me happy. Today, she was less than thrilled with doing it on my schedule and when I told her to get her act in gear, she rebelled. Specifically, she said she only agreed to go on these walks as long as I didn’t make it too unpleasant for her (i.e. ‘nagging’.)
This may be true. It probably is, her memory is far better than mine. But then I was in a bind at this point. She was NOT obeying orders, and yet I had agreed not to bug her about the exercise and only punish her if she skipped a day. Caught on the horns of the dilemma, I was stuck.
We ended up arguing for an hour until I remembered the core point: I was in charge. Yes, she had agreed to walk willingly but that wasn’t the essential issue. Even if she had vehemently disagreed to the exercise, when I told her to get her fanny out that door, she should have gone and I should have made sure it happened. Because when I decided that the walks were important, the issue of voluntary acquiescence was moot. Sure, it makes it more pleasant but it’s NOT vital. What I should have said is, “It’s getting late. Go now and you’ll be done on time. If you delay and you’re back late, I’ll swat you for not getting to bed on time.”
It’s hard when the person you love is being pouty, unpleasant and generally difficult. Especially when she views you as the source of the problem. Which you are, if you are ordering herto do something unpleasant. I can honestly say that I’m not happy when my sweetie isn’t happy. Period. And tonight, she was NOT happy. That’s something, as a Dom, you have to put up with. And, if it gets out of hand, to apply corrective measures. As a Dominant, you shouldn’t have to tolerate disobedience OR extended sulks (short pouts are okay… especially after a punishment)… and you won’t have to, as long as you remember rule #1: You’re in charge.