“Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone.
They’ll stone you when you are walking home.
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave.
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.” –Bob Dylan

Let me start by saying that this is all my fault. I have certain character flaws like stubbornness, pride, and laziness that don’t make me an ideal submissive. Heck, it wouldn’t be too far off base to say that I’m a terrible submissive – though I prefer to think of myself as a “challenging work in progress.”

Though you will surely think I jest or exaggerate, I must confess that I have had my tail-end spanked four times today. Oh yes, you read that correctly – four times!

Now, you Doms out there might be thinking something like ‘You wouldn’t be acting that way if you were MY sub. No siree. I’d only have to spank you just once and you’d get the message.’ And I’m sure that’s true with you and your sub. But I am a challenge even on a good day. I get my ire up and there just aren’t enough butt whoopin’s in the world to make me stand down. I suppose I need to work on that.

This morning TheBoss woke me up with the usual friendly wake-up swats. He asked me what time I had gotten to bed the night before, and I had to admit to him that I’d been negligent and had stayed up past curfew to chat with a friend on ICQ. He was pretty understanding about that part and only gave me a mild hand spanking and a reminder that the curfew is in place for my benefit. With that he got up and told me to get up out of bed. Well friends, I did not want to get up out of bed. I wanted to stay in bed and I was hoping he’d join me there. When he came back to check on me and see if I was up yet, I was still lying in bed. I invited him to join me but, he took issue with the fact that I wasn’t out of bed yet despite having been told clearly that it was time. He hauled out his belt and swatted me a couple dozen times with that.

This wouldn’t have been such a big deal except that my feelings were hurt and it completely changed my mind about frolicking around with him in bed. So when he decided that he would take me up on my prior offer to join me, I refused him. Well, any subbie out there can tell you that refusing your Dom when he wants you in bed with him is a recipe for disaster. This time he brought out a particularly nasty paddle and really let me have it. I got a nasty lecture too and was ejected from the bedroom.

Now, any normal sub would have settled herself down and centered herself emotionally at this point. This is where I need to do some serious work, folks. I wasn’t the least bit contrite or sorry for my behavior, instead I was enraged. I sat out in the living room shaking and crying, unable to articulate or express my anger in any other way.

When TheBoss tried to talk to me about it, I became more enraged and my sarcasm kicked in. I said some pretty hurtful things then I got in the car and went to work. (Yeah, work on Saturday – doesn’t that just suck?)

One of my good traits (yes, I do have a few) is that I cool down quickly, and once I’ve cooled off I can see where I was wrong. And when I looked at the day’s war map, I saw that I was really in the wrong on almost all counts. I drove home to apologize and to make things right.

We talked it out and made up quickly but of course I still had to do my penance. When you’ve screwed up for the fourth time in a single day, there is little mercy to be expected. Dozens of welty, bruisy, hard-as-hell stripes with the belt later – all is well.

But I’m telling you – I have some serious work to do if I’m ever going to get good at this submissive thing.

Advertisements