Accountability is a powerful concept. It could be said that accountability and punishment are two sides of the same coin because one doesn’t really exist apart from the other. But a great deal of time is spent in discussions of punishment, and so little time is ever invested in understanding accountability. I believe that a greater understanding of accountability is necessary for one to ever fully grasp what it is to be involved in the D/s lifestyle.

Some people find amusement and pleasure in the notion of Doms who spank randomly and unpredictably – never with regard toward reason or right. This is harmless enough as long as all parties are consenting, but it has nothing to do with accountability and punishment. It is in this distinction that I can often separate those who dabble in D/s from those of us who live it 24/7.


As with most lifestyle D/s couples, in my relationship with TheBoss there are rules and expectations. I know that if I step outside the bounds of acceptable behavior that I will be held accountable. As a submissive, I find a great deal of comfort and security in that knowledge. Since I know that I am personally very poor at practicing restraint and self-discipline in my life, having behavioral guidelines and accountability in place acts much like a safety net. It means that I can relax and breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that someone else is taking care of things so that I don’t have to.

One may wonder why I wouldn’t just chose to be responsible for myself without the need for accountability imposed on me from above? The answer lies in the nature of submission. I certainly could choose independence and self-reliance (I have in the past.). However, happiness, peace, and security do not lie down that path for me. The submissive part of me wants the security that comes from looking up to someone who has graciously agreed to carry the heavy load of responsibility for both of us, who has recognized my need for authority, and who has established rules and guidelines that govern our interactions. And lastly of course, someone who will hold me accountable to those rules and guidelines so that lasting peace and harmony will result.