The title above is what a close friend and Invidia call it when I haven’t done any active Domming for awhile. Except for late last night (I’ll get to that in a second), that’s pretty much been the week, unfortunately. I’ve been doing the stay-at-home dad thing (y’know, the cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, etc.) while my lovely wife has been bringing home the bacon. Fortunately, everyone is back to school next week, whew!
The problem is that when I’m not actively in the game on a daily basis, all sorts of unacceptable ideas and attitudes can take root in my subbie’s mind. Though I fight it, I can be quite the lazy Dom at times… if things are going well, there’s not much spanking going on.
Invidia was playfully acting up last night, so I rolled her over and gave her a dozen or so sound swats over her very vocal protests. Without drawing a graph to illustrate (y’all have good imaginations, right?), I managed to give her exactly the wrong number of swats. Fewer and it would fall in the ‘playing around’ category. More and it would be in the ‘punishment category’. What she got was just enough to annoy her, but not enough to put her into sub space. Even that could have been avoided, if I had set up the scene and told her her behavior was out of line, so I was going to take her to task. Not having done that, very powerful emotions had been stirred up in her, most unpleasant. Mea culpa, indeed.
Now, having stirred the pot, my sleep-deprived brain somehow figured that she would settle down and get some rest. So I ordered her to get to sleep and I turned out the light. Not my best idea, yes. Being too angry to sleep, she decided to go into the living room and watch TV instead.
No matter how tired I am, something like this will, in fact, get my attention. With my Dom brain kicked into gear, I was out of bed, belt in hand, and in the living room. (In case you aren’t a sub, there are few things more frightening than an angry Dom stalking you with a belt and every intention of using it.) Technically, I wasn’t as angry as I would’ve been if this was a normal case of disobedience, but neither could I let such things continue of course.
I ordered her back to the room peremptorily and she went after only a token struggle. Once there, I told her to prepare herself for her punishment. She knew that I was back in the game, so to speak. She could see it in me, and I could tell that she knew. It was just that obvious. I gave her around 20-25 swats with a thick leather belt that long ago lost its buckle. It’s perfect for occasions like this since it’s no good for holding up pants anymore. No protests this time, despite the fact that belt hurts considerably more than a hand spank ever can.
You may ask yourself was it fair that she should be punished, when the situation could have been avoided by some more thought on my part. Well, no, it’s not fair. (Frequent readers know what I think about fairness in a D/s relationship.) More importantly, though, was that the D/s relationship had been breached by her direct disobedience. The only way to heal a rift like that (at least around here, but I suspect for most other people as well) is an act of domination and submission to reaffirm the bond. There may be other methods, but the only one around here that has any real meaning is a good, solid tail whoopin’.
Indeed, afterwards she was in a much better mood and so was I. Everything was back where it belonged and the vanilla beans were firmly back in the pantry.