Something I’ve often wondered about are people who get into relationships when there’s a ‘deal breaker’ involved. It might be issues of income, or smoking, or vegetarianism, or religion or any number of things. Specifically, though, let’s turn our attention to the spankos out there married to (or otherwise entangled with) vanilla Significant Others.

So many of them complain constantly that they can’t get what they need to be happy. Forgive me for being insensitive, but for the love of Pete, why didn’t you askthem if they wanted to be tied up and spanked (or conversely, were willing to do the spanking)? No matter how good the person looks in most aspects, if you absolutely need something to make a satisfying relationship, you are doing yourself (and them) a disservice by not checking on it beforehand. Even worse, some people get into a relationship when they know their SO is not in the scene or even dislikes it. Here are my theories, but feel free to send me any you might come up with.

  • “Impossible Dream” – These folks figure that they’re never going to find someone who has the same kink as they do, so they give up. There are a lot of us out there… keep looking!
  • “High Standards” – They want someone who is cute, young, rich and a spanko. Frankly, they need to get real. You might not find the perfect partner, but you have to decide what’s most important to you and make those things a priority. Too often, I’ve seen decent, reasonable people who are expecting to find Mr./Ms. perfect when they are not exactly Prince Charming with a Paddle themselves. So they end up with 2 out of 3, or 3 out of 4 things they want and miss out on the thing they care about most.
  • “Anyone is Better Than No One” – This is another sad case: someone who would rather be unhappy with someone than be alone. Yeah, it can be a lonely, tough world out there (Lord knows, I’ve been there), but the trick is to clean yourself up, look around and find someone you can be happy with rather than be miserable together with.
  • “Fixer-Upper” – This is a common problem with women (but men are by no means excluded!): they pick out a partner intending to ‘introduce’ them to scene later. Of all the delusions, this is the weirdest. I realize that there are a lot of kinky little minxes out there that can really get into a good paddling, but don’t expect any random Heather to bend over just because you think it might be fun.
  • “Low Self Esteem” – These folks rate themselves very harshly on the Big Dating Scale, so they don’t expect to find someone who will have what they want and still be relatively decent in the other categories. Not everyone sees themselves the way other people do; when they are extremely harsh on themselves, they remove the possibility of finding the Right One if s/he should happen to come along. They say average-looking girls get a lot more requests for dates than the really gorgeous ones. I don’t know if this is true (never having been a gorgeous girl, heh), but you don’t know until you ask.
  • “In the Closet” – People who don’t admit to others (or themselves) that they really are spankos and they need that interaction for true happiness. What can I say here? You have to know yourself before you can find someone who will be The One for you.

On a more personal note, I must admit I got damned lucky to find Invidia. I was in the “Low Self Esteem” section which is really hard when you are a Dom, heh. So I managed to end up with a cute, smart, submissive wench who was the girl of my dreams.

The best advice I have is about the deal breakers: know what yours are and what your potential partner’s are as well. Better to give some a hug and a fond farewell than be stuck in a relationship that doesn’t work for either of you.