One of the big problems I have is being ‘domly’ when we aren’t actively sceneing. Oh, I’m mostly Domly, most of the time, but it’s too easy to slip into mediocre domesticity when your life is busy and your sub isn’t acting up. Such situations breed bratting behavior eventually as the Doms out there will agree. Yet, despite the name “24/7”, I can’t stand over Invidia all the time and keep her in the zone. So what am I to do?
Firstly, I’ve taken up most of the decision-making around here. Oh, I’ll ask for information or even advice, but the ultimate decision lies with me. This has been a hard one to implement (on my side, Invidia is more than happy with it) because I like to get a consensus on things like going out to dinner, movies, etc. The trick is to let her know, subtly or not, that while I may ask her preference, she is not the one deciding in the end. Along those same lines, I’ve been doing most of the driving lately. I didn’t think it’d make much of a difference, but it has.
Next, and this is harder, I’ve got to remind myself that I’m a Dom. Yeah, sounds stupid, but Domming doesn’t come naturally to me. What this means is that I had to modify my ‘state of mind’ so that I respond and act in a Dommish fashion rather that taking the default (which is somewhere between cheerful companion and couch potato). This is rough, especially when I’m sick or tired. Old habits creep back and, I’m ashamed to say, sometimes I’ve consciously noticed them and have been too exhausted to do anything about it. With time, it should all be automatic (as it mostly is when my authority is directly challenged), but there’s a long road ahead. Domming is work and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! (For the subs out there who disagree: tough cookies, I’m right and you’re wrong.) It’s fun and rewarding, but it’s still work.
The last thing on my current to-do list is to try and take mundane situations and inject some D/s spice into them. While this doesn’t necessarily mean whacking Invidia on the fanny every time she walks by (though this isn’t a bad idea), it does mean I have to actively think about the current situation and create the right mood. In restaurants, I guide Invidia with my hand in the small of her back. I use diminutive phrases for her that reinforce her position (e.g. girl, my girl, etc.) I need to do a lot more of this, though. When I call bedtime, I really need to make it obvious that my will is being imposed on hers. I need to give her orders more often, even mundane ones, so that she has an opportunity to please me. They may be phrased as suggestions, but they are actually demands. I need to set her goals as well… for the same reason.
For the last week or so, I’ve been a very remiss Dom but since we’ve both been busy and tired, it hasn’t been a big issue. There’s a nearly two-week vacation coming up so I really need to get my act back in gear, throw off this illness, and get serious about my Domly duties. I guess the key is to teach myself the good habits and not let the ins and outs of mundane reality influence me so much. I’ll let you know how it goes!