Invidia said something very profound today (she’s a clever one, my subbie!), but let me set up the situation before I get to the punchline. Her bra strap had broken at a movie (Matrix Revolutions, if you are curious) and since we were very early, we had the theater to ourselves. I told her to take off her bra, as it was somewhat uncomfortable, and I’d pocket it for her. She refused on the grounds that we were in public. I told her I didn’t care and that she should do as I said. I was about to start with some serious threats to her behind when other patrons started filtering into the theater.
I tabled the ‘removing the bra’ idea as we were not alone, but somewhat later we discussed the matter. She asked me why I hadn’t insisted. Of course I pointed out that the other patrons might notice and we have rules about what we do in ‘public’. Then she dropped the bombshell: I, as the Dom, can set up the situation where I win either way. If she had removed her bra, despite embarrassment, I win. If she did not, and got swatted for her disobedience, I win that way as well.
Yeah, this sounds obvious, but it’s an important point. Subs want their Doms to be masterful. They want him to be in charge. But for this to happen, for that trust to be granted, they have to believe that he is better able to take care of them than they can take care of themselves. So he has to be bigger, stronger, smarter, wiser, etc.
So by arranging things so that I always win, no matter what happens, Invidia gets that warm feeling of knowing that I’m in charge and on top of things. Of course, there’s the fringe benefit that I get what I want as well! The basic point is that, on some level, every sub wants her Dom to win every conflict with her. That way she knows that he’s someone in whom she can place her trust. That way, we both win.
P.S. She ended up hiding under her coat during the movie, avoiding embarrassment, and removing her bra. Just so y’all know the whole story!