If you want to know, what being a sub means, then click here.

I realize that I am going to disagree with a number of people on this matter. That is all right with me – I am long past the point in my life where I feel like I must always be in agreement to be right. Besides, where BDSM is concerned, there are not very many absolute rights and wrongs – only a host of related behaviors along a continuum of extremes. And what is right for one person may not necessarily be right for another.

Humiliation: Many people feel that humiliation is an inherent part of being submissive. I do not. I have found that my submission brings me up rather than brings me down. It is my firmly held opinion that anyone who wants to humiliate me does not have my best interests at heart.

Intimidation: Submission is about trust and respect – not about fear and intimidation.

Senseless Hoop-Jumping: There are Doms out there that feed on the megalomania of giving unnecessary orders just to see their subs jump up and obey. In my opinion, orders should have a purpose other than amusing a Dom at the sub’s expense.

Complete Dependence: If I had to ask TheBoss what to wear, what to watch on television, what to eat, what to do when the doorbell rings, and whether I could go to the bathroom or not – we would get nothing done in a day. I depend on him to make important decisions and he counts on me to take care of the little stuff in an intelligent and mature way.

Seriousness: I believe that submission doesn’t necessarily have to be serious all the time. What good is life when you can’t laugh? Some subs walk around all day not making eye contact or daring to initiate a conversation without being spoken to first, but I can’t imagine living like that. There is too much joy in my life to suppress it all the time. I want to laugh, love, and be happy.

Disrespect: Being submissive is not about being disrespected or undervalued. As a submissive, I have a different role in our household than TheBoss has – but it is a valued and respected part of the maintenance of our home. I know that I am appreciated and loved which is very important to me.

Doing All The Work: I simply cannot do my share of the work around here and TheBoss’s share too – not to mention working full-time as well. He and I share the work and I am never expected to do more than my own fair share. Doms who make their subs do all the work around the house are using their roles irresponsibly and abusing their power in my opinion. A sub who is treated so thoughtlessly will suffer and burn out.

Sacrificing My Goals: Here is a big one! Just because I decided to hook up with TheBoss doesn’t mean that I no longer have goals in my life. I didn’t suddenly decide that I don’t want to go to grad school or that I don’t want to progress in my career. Nor did I decide that I no longer want to hang out with my friends or pursue my art. These goals and desires are an integral part of my personality. They are part of what makes me the unique person with whom he fell in love. If they were taken from me or denied to me, a part of me would die along with them and I would no longer be entirely myself.

Passivity: Normally I make every effort to go along with whatever decisions my beloved makes. Occasionally however, I have cause to disagree with him on something important. At those times I believe it is important that I express my opinions and/or reservations about his decision. He is free to agree with me or not, but he should have all the information (including my thoughts) before his final decisions are reached.

That covers the main points that leap to mind. I know there are others, many others, that I have left out. I also know that my journey into submission is different from many of you reading this. Everyone is at different points in their own journey – and some folks are on another journey all together. But there is room for us all to live here together in peace.

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